What Doesn't Kill You(Postponed)
by Child of Dementium
Summary: CHAPTER 1 IS CURRENTLY UNDER RECONSTRUCTION. I promise to return with some new content as soon as possible, so keep your eyes peeled.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.**

**A/N:AU. A very different chain of events. No last battalion/millennium. Begins in the same time frame as the manga.  
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**Alucard loved newbie vampires.**

They thought they knew everything-that they _were_ everything. They thought that becoming a vampire made them truly immortal, invincible, impenetrable. To them, there actions no longer had consequences, everyone and everything was their toy. They were under the delusion that they were above justice, the devil or god.

Oh, how he loved to take that notion away from them, to watch their spirits turn to ash as the realization that they were still as weak as they ever were.

"Oooohhhhh," he began to sing in a baritone while raising his glock, the manic, toothy smile spreading to his crimson orbs. Confusion spread across all his victim's faces. "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood-" Two shots caught two fledglings right between their punk-ass eyes. The remaining idiots only now decided to fire. Alucard's blood sprayed like water from a sprinkler as the bullets ripped through him, making him look like something akin to Swiss cheese. The psychopathic, shit-eating grin never left his face. "A beautiful day for a neighbor-" he continued, guns beginning to roar as he began a rapid fire combo. The bullets shredded the derelicts in front of him. "Could you be mine?" He obliterated the amateurs behind him over his shoulders. "Would you be mine?" He peppered the shit stains to his left and right. Now there was only one remaining...at least half of one, which was currently trying to crawl away. Alucard smirked that delicious, psychopathic shit-eating smirk he was famous for , easily catching up to the carrion and kicking him onto what was left of his back before stepping on his throat. The poor son of a bitch was coughing up blood like there was no tomorrow all while his eyes conveyed that helpless lamb look to the No-life King, who's steel-like fangs practically glistened like small razors in the moonlight. The hack would probably be shitting himself...if he still had all his bowels. "Would you be my neighbor?"

"Noooo!"

Not even a second passed before Alucard's bullet exploded the stupid bastard's face.

"Fine," the Nosferatu chackled. "I didn't want your company any way."

With it all said and done, the vampiric vampire hunter surveyed his work. Little morsels of flesh peppered all over the forest floor. Blood painted every tree, bush, and blade of grass within a ten foot radius. His own flesh and clothes had knitted back together long ago.

"Yep." Alucard blew on the smoking barrel of his guns. "All is right with the world. Now if only I could figure out proper wedding vows." 'I promise to sip on you like a juice pouch every day' really didn't sell romance...at least not among humans. As if on cue, Alucard's pocket started to vibrate.

_"Why you comin' home, five in the morn. Somethin's goin' on let me smell yo-"_

_ I __**really**__ need to change that,_ Alucard thought as he answered his cell. "Hello, Countess."

"Hello Count." Integra returned. "I assume everything on your end is in order."

"And you would be right." The Count smirked. "This particular section of the forest should stay green all Winter."

"I'd expect no less." Alucard could feel Integra smirking on her end of line. "Now get back here. There's still much to prepare for and very little time to do it."

The alpha vampire leaned against a tree with. "Indeed. Flowers, decorations and all that jazz." He checked his nails despite the fact that he was wearing gloves. "Why we still need to get Schrodinger fitted for a monkey-suit." Alucard chuckled.

"Don't remind me." You didn't need to be a vampire to hear Integra's gritted teeth in her tone. Schrodinger had been Integra's least favorite thing in the world since the neko-boy literally came crashing into it from outer-space. **(A/N: Come and get me.) **It had nothing to do with the fact that the extraterrestrial could threaten the belief of God, (Something Alucard didn't get. Why would the creator of the universe put all his eggs in one basket?) no. It was the fact that the boy's main talent seem to be effortlessly making a nuisance of himself. He also talked a lot of shit for a fourteen year-old. Alucard found it amusing, but Integra sure as hell didn't, which made it even funnier for the Nosferatu. And he made no secret of this. It had caused Integra to shoot them both a couple of times.

"I'm sure everything will go splendidly." the vampire offered. "_I'm_ involved after all."

Integra's end was dead silent.

"Hello?" Alucard poked after it had dragged on for a whole minute.

"Just get back here." the blonde snipped. "We have a rehearsal dinner."

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Oh yes. God forbid I forget how to watch people eat."

"Stop that. You'll have blood in a wineglass."

"Oh goody. Everybody will be able to see that I'm the classiest girl at the ball." he said sarcastically.

"Please don't act this juvenile." Alucard could just imagine his fiancee pinching the bridge of her nose at this point. "Please don't make me regret this decision with the wedding just days away.

"You've had four years to regret this, love" the count reminded gently, before smirking regretfully. "I apologize though. I'm actually nervous for the first time in a long time, believe it or not."

"I _don't _believe you." Alucard could actually hear cheekiness in his master's voice. "Nervousness is a human thing."

"Now whose being juvenile?"

"Well it's your bad influence."

"Nu-uh." he denied.

"Yu-huh." she supplied.

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yu-huh."

"Glad to see we agree." Integra sniggered.

Alucard could only huff. _Five hundred years and some change. How did I fall for that? "_Seriously," he said getting back to the main point, "This is...strange for me." He was struggling to find the words. He wasn't good with touchy feely matters of the heart. Integra waited kindly for him to continue. "I've attended a few weddings in my time, but never my own...I'm excited, it would seem."

Integra issued a phony gasp. "He's excited about something that doesn't revolve around guts, gore or mutilation! Somebody call the 'The Times'!"

"Ha, ha, ha." Alucard drawled. "Winston Churchill is pissing himself in his grave."

"Oh relax, Count Chocula." The heiress recommended. "Don't get your vampiric knickers in a knot."

"Oh something in my trousers has a knot alright."

"Save it for the honeymoon, Romeo!"

Only half of Alucard's anger was mockery as he declared, "Don't compare me to that whiny little twunt!"

"You knew the real Romeo, I presume." his lady replied with slight interest.

Alucard was quiet for a couple of minutes. "I _refuse_ to talk about."

"You brought it up."

"And now I'm regretting it."

"If you say so."

"I'm hanging up now," he said bluntly, "because this is getting weird for me."

"Same for me." Integra agreed.

"Until I return, my lady." The vamp said suavely.

"My lord." she returned elegantly before hanging up.

Alucard then looked around to his now-cooling handy work. "Now I need a doggy bag."

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**C.D: Walla! The prologue is complete! I'm excited about this story. I hope it'll be as fun to read as this was to right. I'll be the first to admit that this'll probably wobble in some areas but hopefully not to bad. Reviews, both positive and negative are welcome. They'll help me perfect my craft, so to speak. Until we meet again. Ta-Ta!**


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